I have taken a bit of time off from shooting during the last couple of weeks. I have been suffering from my usual malady, boredom. I needed a mental health break to get the spark back. I have never, ever wanted to be like a machine and just crank out photos for no reason. I can easily get caught up in it and then …. it’s like eating a cupcake..looks and tastes good and then after you eat it you ask yourself why did I do that? Did I need it? What did I get from it? A sugar rush that dissipates quickly and leaves you with an upset stomach and sleepy.
I shot Zeb and Danielle’s wedding ( which turned out wonderful), did a couple other little things, but nothing else that really fed me creatively or made me feel excited. Taking time off is the only way for me to get out of the funk and back into the mood to do something different. And on top of all of that I had a birthday which made me feel old and cranky. Realizing that half your life is “half over”…Makes me want to go off the rails and do something really crazy or I go into a funk and do nothing but watch YouTube videos and binge watch documentaries and tv programs I have missed, which is what I did.
Sometimes I can’t even look at photos or want to edit. Being super critical and second guessing and over thinking has always been my achilles heel. Never satisfied. Could have been better. Shoulda’ woulda’ coulda’. I need to work on Hommeage 3. I need to finish the nuts and bolts of my project with Josh Kloss.
I do all the work myself. Shoot, edit, pimp the images out…can’t find anyone I trust or who follows through to help so I just keep doing it all on my own and it can get tiring. Taking the photo is just a small part of the process. Everyone is so “Insta” happy they don’t realize what goes into a ( at least one of my) photo shoots. It looks simple… just point and click. “can I have all of them now?” “You only sent me 12 photos and we shot two days ago, you took so many more- can I have them all and I can edit them myself?” Quality over quantity my friend is the name of the game and no I will edit the good ones and discard the bad ones. Maybe I will go back to shooting on film so it slows down the whole process.
Time to get creative again and do something new. I bought myself an extra nice new video camera a few weeks ago ( since someone walked off with my other one) and am definitely going to be doing more video work. Motion. Movement. Making mini movies. I have a few ideas already, just need the right models to work with ( and more hard drive space) and do it. I love what I do and the only way for me to continue to love it is to do what I want, how I want. Just do it. Haters are going to hate no matter what. I really don’t care anymore. You are not paying my rent. The fake friends who say, “do this for me and I will help you with this” can go jerk each other off. Boring. Heard it all before.
“Why does Scott write these blogs?” Because it helps me to put it out there even if nobody reads it. Writing all this out always gets me motivated and starts me off with a clean slate. Now I feel better! Time for some more coffee and get the day started.